literature

Jecht's Journal 01-10

Deviation Actions

JechtBlade's avatar
By
Published:
344 Views

Literature Text

01
Betrayal of the heart…
It can go both ways in a relationship, whether you have been the offender or not. I have done the heart breaking and been heartbroken though not by my own choice. To whoever reads this, my name is Jecht Isaac Blade of the Zodiac Dragoon Clan. I am father to two beautiful children, Drake Kisho and Takara Ariandne. I was married to the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life, Isamu Mika. Death tore her away from me and to add insult to injury, I was manipulated and drugged into being with another woman. The wretched harlot’s name is Gretchen, once a childhood friend but allied with the Chaos within me to get her my seed and bared my child, his vessel.
I am writing this as a log to what has happened to me and what I have chosen to do once seeing a scene that has shattered my heart in a way unfathomable. I saw my wife, recently brought back from the dead, kissing the man who was her first husband. Seeing this, I lost it, almost tapping into the last bit of chaotic energy I still possess since expelling the Chaos Dragon from my soul. I felt I could’ve honestly killed them both without any regret in my heart but the thought of Drake and Takara stayed my hand.
It was then I decided to leave everyone, not for someone else or to find my own happiness but rather, remove my presence and negativity from the household. My children still fear me deep down and Isamu possesses resentment towards me for my involvement with Gretchen. I can feel that resentment burns more intensely than the fires of hell and yet, I do not blame her for it. With a heavy heart and deep sorrow in my entire being, I’ve packed a small travel bag along with my trusted kukri to be on my way.
Having left a letter for Isamu and kissed the children good night, I have left for parts unknown, unsure of what will become of me or what fate will befall me but I pray Isamu will happiness she so deserves, even if it’s not with me. I’m sorry for being so weak, my love…

02
The first week…
Ever since leaving my friends and family behind, locking my mind from everyone, the pits of despair have begun to appear all around me. Shadows of the past haunt all around me within this forest. I swear I see images of felled foes and loved ones calling out to me. I’m not sure if I’m delusional or if my past is trying to pull me back to them. The images scare me and doubt everything I’ve done so far, if my decision to fight was the right one and leaving everyone was right to do.
I’ve begun work on a cabin to live in, away from any and all civilization so maybe I’ll never be found. The base work is done and in maybe in a couple months time, it’ll be done and ready to live in. In the mean time, I’m living out of a tent with a nearby fire pit and fresh water stream nearby. Food has been plentiful around here and I feel this will be a suitable home to live out the rest of my day, regardless of how long that may be. I just wish Isamu and the children could see it.
Time seems to fly rather fast here while I’ve been working on the cabin, I guess staying busy will do that but I can’t help but let my mind wander back to Isamu and the children. I worry if Isamu is doing well and if the children actually miss me but with my father nearby, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Even with him around, I can’t help but wonder if my decision to leave was the right one, I feel as if I’ve failed them again. I’m conflicted in these thoughts because I love Drake and Takara with all my heart, that I would die for them but I fear I have chosen wrong and they will forget about me and look to Veeku as their father. This thought is maddening to me.
I seem to be doing a lot of thinking while I’ve been here so it’s just been getting worse as time carries on. The shadows amongst the trees continue to haunt me with horrific images and get the sense that I’m being stalked by someone or something out there. I think it may just be my mind playing tricks on me but I can’t help but fear for my life. Maybe death would be good, the cold sensation before fading into a higher plane isn’t too bad. Ha! Talking about death like its nothing more than a cold sleep, anyhow, I should get some rest for tomorrow.

03
Time marches on…
It’s been nearly two weeks since I last wrote anything down and a lot has happened in that time. I came across a small group of woodsmen in my search for suitable lumber for my home. They were a nice enough bunch, helping me out for the last two weeks with building my house with me. It was nice having people around me again, almost felt like I was home with everyone again. They left this morning for new parts, saying there’s plenty more to see in this wide world, I’m inclined to agree with them.
The shadows haven’t been haunting me as much lately with the woodsmen around but with their departure, I fear they will return as the night draws near. I still see images of Isamu, though they look as if she is crying, calling out to me to return to her. I feel this is only what I want to see and not the truth of the situation but what if I’m wrong and just made an even worse mistake in leaving. It feels like my brain is tearing itself apart from all these conflicts within and there is nothing I can do to calm myself. Panic sets in occasionally but nothing severe as of yet, I really am a disgrace to the dragoon I once was.
As these thoughts continue to plague my mind, I wonder if Isamu is happier now that I’m gone or I just made things worse for her. I think about Drake and Takara, hoping they are doing well but fearing if Drake resents me and Takara fears me. I do fear that they miss me more than anything and if Drake will do something that’ll get him hurt. I’m scared that Takara will have an attack that could cause her to die. I’m so fearful of the what ifs, I’m not sure what to think anymore. Right and wrong, I don’t know what would be true, what are delusions, and what are just blatant lies I tell to myself.
It’s only been three weeks since I left and I’m not sure how long I’ll last. Whether something out there will get me or it be by my own hand due to lost sanity or overcome with grief. Time will only tell but this bed feels empty, without the warmth and comfort of my one true love. I miss you Isamu, everyday I think about you. If you’re reading this, then I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you and the children.

04
First scrape with death…
One month has passed since I arrived here in the forests to the far north of my household. I was recently attacked, nearly dying in the process but had a great revelation in my moment of near death. I was out chopping firewood with the axe I crafted since starting to live here when a roaming bandit clan came upon me and my cabin. Instead of passing by peacefully, they demanded I surrender my food stock and tools to them in exchange for my life and safety. I politely declined the offer and they responded with brandishing their weapons against me.
I responded accordingly with my axe lodged into the instigator’s skull. Not taking kindly to my warning, all the bandits descended upon me. I overestimated my strength and was overwhelmed quickly, my strength having diminished from the superhuman level it once was since I had expelled the Chaos Dragon from my body and soul. The fight was an ugly one but I triumphed over all of them and still had my life intact but was severely wounded. Barely able to stand from the arrows still stuck into me and cuts from their swords, I had lost a lot of blood. I managed to get myself into the cabin, thankful the door was still open from earlier. I removed the arrows from my flesh and bandaged up the wounds I could before I passed out on the cabin floor.
I’m not sure how long I was out but when I woke up, it was nighttime and I was in a pool of my own blood. I pulled myself to my feet and stumbled my way to the stream nearby, seeing all the corpses of the bandits on the ground from earlier. I got to the cold water and washed the blood from my body and clothes, all the while trying to warm myself up. Once I managed all the blood off myself, I looked into the water as it flow by, seeing a perfect reflection of myself, looking disheveled and eyes blood shot.
Seeing myself in such a weak state made me realize what I had been to Isamu, the man she wanted but never able to fully realize my potential due to my dependency. I contemplated a long time over my life and actions, knowing I was strong but in the wrong regards. I had let myself let Chaos and sympathy be my reasons, not the right reasons. I continued to look into the water as I thought about everything and would better myself for Isamu, if for no other reason than the slim chance we meet each other again.
The blood is washed away, the bodies burned to ash, and the sun rising before me. I will face the sins of my past and move forward to a brighter tomorrow, be stronger than before and dependent on only myself and show my true strength and potential in this world.

05
The beginning of change….
Two weeks have passed since that fateful night and encounter with the bandits. Since that time of revelation, I have spent every day doing physical labor around the cabin to stay busy and strengthen my body back to the point I once was. In my downtime from the work, I have been meditating on all the things people have told me and thoughts needing contemplation. I have also taken up a venture into the arts; something I hope will sharpen my mind and soul. I got a nice set of coin from selling all the equipment I got from the bandit attack. This allowed me to get some much needed supplies, tools and some little extras I would need with my new venture.
My burden is beginning to feel lighter as time passes on here but I can’t help but think about Isamu and the children, pondering thoughts if they think about me as much as I think about them. Those three are my life and I just abandoned them since I couldn’t take the sight of Isamu being with another man. My life feels hollow and meaningless since then but I would give anything to have them all back, to hold them all in my arms and know we are a family again. With them being in my thoughts so much, I have been doing art of them, drawing them as I see them in my memories. I see images of the children playing happily, Isamu smiling warmly at me and everyone together for holidays and birthdays. I don’t even think all that much when I draw but rather, my hand guides itself and makes the portrait itself, reminding me of everything I’m missing out on.
Life has been rather calm since the attack which is a change of pace for me since back home; it always felt like something was going on at the house. That was actually nice because every day was an adventure with everyone. I miss all the times I had with the children, seeing how happy their smiles were and watching them grow. Most of all, I miss Isamu, my heart aches at the loss, the looks she would give me would send chills down my spine and her touches were amazing. Life isn’t as bright as it once was but I continue on for hope of seeing her again.
The more I think about what happened, I hate myself more for letting myself be so weak, for failing those who needed me most. Maybe things will get better for them since Veeku is there. No! That’s not good enough, that man is the reason I’m here and manipulated me into pushing Isamu further away from myself. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I ever saw him again because I want to kill him in cold blood but I guess I would be the bigger man for Isamu. My love for her triumphs my vengeful desires so I guess I would only walk away.

06
One step at a time…
Time has been passing swiftly since I begun training the new power I have found to possess. Since expelling Chaos from my soul, I have unlocked a new kind of power within me that I have never seen before in all of my travels. It’s strange because it’s not like any elemental control or mental prowess but rather, existence itself. I know this sounds confusing, especially for me but I’ll explain more in detail what I’ve experienced so far with this.
This incident happened when I was trying to push a particularly heavy boulder around to improve my physical strength and not wanting to give in to weakness, I pushed myself harder than I have ever before. In that moment of struggle, a flash of light appeared from my hands and the boulder vanished, as if teleported away. There were no remains, only the remaining tracks of where I had pushed it earlier. I looked all around, trying to see if I had just destroyed it or teleported it but there was no sign, it was like it never existed. I tried reenacting this on a log and the same results; the very essence of the log was gone from sight and sense. The more I thought about this, the more I wondered about the full extent and wondered if I could create since I could destroy on the very basest of levels. I thought about an element I’ve never been able to control and appeared an ice crystal before me, hovering in that silver light that emit from my hands.
Once I had this revelation, I found if I could think of anything, I could create it, whether it be tools, food, or the elements. This godly power was readily available at the palm of my hands, able to recreate this world if I so choose to. It was with this thought I realized I had to learn how to control it lest I allow manipulative people to have the very power of the gods. I spent the rest of the day contemplating about what I had learned and could do with it. I thought about it for a long time, realizing I could undo all the damage I’ve caused to my family and erase the very man who had threatened my way of life, out of existence.
Those thoughts bounced around my head for a long time, feeling malicious and vengeful, knowing I could do it without repercussions. It was then I saw the picture of Isamu I had been working on and realized these thoughts were not the way I am but rather that of Chaos. With all that said and done, if I get another chance, I will not fail my love and I will succeed on equal and fair grounds.

07
New levels in ascension….
This new godly power is intoxicating, never have I had a rush of more intense than what I feel when using this power. Control has become very hard to maintain while using this power in prolonged bursts because I know nothing can stop me, not even Sirrush and the other gods. I just don’t know what to think or do with this because I could take anything for myself or destroy it all on a whim but I think I will reserve this for the direst of situations, so as not to be addicted to this.
I am still very much mortal and can be killed but having power unrivaled by anything in the mortal world is something else. I really do wish I didn’t have this power; it’s like having another Chaos but this time, much more potent and destructive though sans the second soul within my own. I do believe this is a trial however, something to see if I’m worth redemption for how I acted when I had Chaos. I did have an incident using this power and time will only tell what this will grow to. I was out gathering various plant life to make some healing salves to keep on hand should I get wounded again when I saw a little girl being chased through the woods. Unsure of whom this man that was chasing this girl but knew he meant harm upon her. Using a burst of this power, I teleported in between them and causing the man to run into me, knocking him to the ground. The girl stopped behind a tree and just watched as this man just cursed me with all his being then drawing a knife on me, attempting to stab me in a poor fashion.
I caught the knife between my thumb and forefinger before vanishing it into nothingness. Seeing a look of horror on his face, he ran away, screaming he would get the girl. I looked at him, tempted to vanish him right then and there but the girl came up from behind me, tugging on my shirt as she shook her head. It was almost like she knew what I was thinking but I just smiled at her before kneeling down to her. I asked her name and where her parents were to which she told me her name was Asuka and her parents were dead, that man was a slave master who was trying to sell her on the black market. I nodded and asked her to come home with me until we can find her a more appropriate place to live. She agreed and now she’s been living with me for the last week, she reminds me of Takara; she’s about the same age as her and got the same bright eyes.
With this power, I can do good as well as bad but I guess that’s true of any power. I just hope I’ll be able to make better decisions than I did with the Chaos. I do promise to keep this power away from Isamu and the others, this power is too great and will only cause more harm if I use it around them. I love them all to death but I will not let death befall them, even if I have to choke that Death bitch myself. I have however, noticed I can sense their life forces from here so it’s nice to know they’re okay.

08
Growing Bonds…
Days seem to slip by like grains of sand in an hourglass. Asuka has made herself very comfortable here with me and I must say, it’s nice having someone around and to take care of. She is truly wise beyond her years and is very capable for her age though I feel this environment is not the best for her. I’ve tried to figure out if she has any living family left but I only get shrugs, like her memories aren’t all there. I’ve made her a few toys in this short time to help keep her entertained and gave her some of my art supplies so she can be creative.
Times have been nice lately and I’ve redirected my physical training into farming as the soil around here is rich. We went to a nearby town to get the necessary supplies and livestock to keep our own little farm here, something to supplement our living situation. Asuka has been helping out around the farm as well though I told her she didn’t have to. She’s taken up feeding the livestock, gathering eggs and milk as well. It feels like there’s a routine to our daily life now but it has given us few nice commodities I once didn’t have before starting this.
I’ve been spending my evenings however in deep thought, a lot has happened in these last three months, from abandoning everyone, having my revelation, to discovering a new power within myself, and making a new friend. To think this all begun because I saw Isamu and Veeku kissing, I guess all events require that one starting point. I still loathe Veeku because I miss my family dearly but it’s my own fault for leaving so I blame only myself. I hope to one day see everyone again, even if they hate me and wish me death. To see everyone smile and be happy together again, that is my dream.
Every night, I’ve taken time to just look at the stars, wondering what caused me to live the life I have. Was it truly the gods who chartered my course or was all this by my own choice, guided along the way by accidents, coincident, and choices? Whatever the reason, I look for the first star of the night and pray for the same wish every night.
“Star on high, grant my wish tonight,
Give Isamu, Drake, and Takara all my love and wishes,
Let them all prosper and be happy in life.”

09
From laughs to tears…
We’ve had quite a rough patch lately, especially for Asuka. As we’ve been working on the farm, I’ve noticed her smiling less and less, like something was bothering her. I sat her down one night after we ate dinner and asked her what was wrong. She came clean and told me that she was remembering more and more of her past, apparently having lost most of her recent memories before meeting me. These memories of her past were scaring her and giving her nightmares so that’s why she has been sad lately. That’s when it all begun.
She remembered having a happy family life, even having a pet dog. I smiled at this memory because it sounded nice and something every child should have growing up. It was then when things turned tragic for her because her father became addicted to gambling and a new drug that had been introduced around. He began to become more and more desperate to get money to fuel his addictions, wanting to experience his high again. He even resorted to forcing his wife to become a prostitute and trying to sell Asuka off to a slave ring for a quick fix. Not wanting to subject Asuka to the horror that her father had become, her mother pulled a knife on him, attempting to kill him. This resulted with him snapping her neck right in front of Asuka and her dog.
By this point, Asuka was in tears and hyperventilating. I tried to stop her from telling more of the story because this was causing her great sorrow and pain. I held her close as she cried but she insisted on telling me the rest of the story to which I allowed her, knowing it may do some good to let her get it off her chest and mind. She looked at me with those big green eyes as she cried but took a deep breath before continuing the story. After he killed her mother, he chased Asuka out of the house and into the forest, becoming lost with him taunting her from the shadows. He then managed to grab her and begun to choke her, nearly killing her causing her dog to jump and attack him, freeing her. It was in this moment she ran as far and as fast as possible, the adrenaline clouding all thoughts as she heard her dog yelp in pain. Tears falling freely, she thought she would die that night until she heard my voice and see me stop her father, causing him to run away.
I was shocked at everything she had endured and just shushed her, telling her to rest easy now because I would take care of her now, like my own. She cried deeply, knowing her mother was dead and her father wanted her dead. I rubbed her back as I cradled her in my arms, rocking her all night and was left to my thoughts. I looked out of the window throughout the night and swear I could see Isamu’s face in the sky, looking down upon me with a smile. I thought about how much this child reminded me of Isamu and the tragedies that had befallen her in her life. I promise to take care of this girl and will make sure she can live a life full of happiness and love.

10
Parental Instincts…
It’s amazing how attached to someone can be in such a short time. It’s only been two months since Asuka began living with me here. Time continues to just glide away from us but ever since that night she revealed her past to me, she’s become a lot closer to me, generally clinging onto me. I’ve also noticed that whenever she looks to the forest on the outskirts of the property, she looks in fear, like something is out there, hunting her. Nights have been especially rough on her because of the nightmares so she’s taken up sleeping in the same bed as me for comfort.
I feel bad for the girl, she’s just shy of five years old and she’s already dealt with death and abuse unlike most. Her eyes still hold the same happiness and life they’ve always had but she’s a lot more skittish around dark places and loud sounds. I’m determined she lives a life free from the fear of her father and the dark, she deserves better than that. I have promised myself if he shows up on my property, I will end his existence for her sake. I did have a thought about seeing if her dog was still alive and with a bit of luck and using my new found powers, I found the connected life force that led to her pet dog.
Once I had a place for the life force, I snuck out one night, leaving one of my pillows for her to snuggle up on while I was gone. I made sure to lock up extra tight before teleporting away to where the dog was. I appeared on the outside of a house that showed quite of abuse on the inside and outside, looking like it would collapse if someone stepped wrong. I looked inside and saw a body on the floor and the dog chained up outside, looking weak. Frowning at the sight then hearing loud snoring coming from the porch, I saw her father there, passed out. I shook my head and went over to the dog, freeing him from the tight chain on his neck. I then used a portion of my power to heal him back to a healthy state, teleporting him back to the house with images of Asuka filling his head. Before heading back myself, I looked inside to where the body was and phased inside, picking up the corpse to see it was her mother. Grimacing at the decomposition, I teleported back to the house and dug a small grave out by the house, giving her a proper burial and something for Asuka to pray at. I materialized a simple stone cross as a marker and set it in place as the dog looked at me curiously.
I smiled at the dog as I let him and myself inside, hearing pitter patter of feet as Asuka came running to me and hugged tight. She was crying because she thought I had abandoned her and I explained myself but soon she was squealing in joy. Her dog’s name is Jin and she couldn’t be happier now, knowing she had her pet back. That single moment made everything worthwhile that night. Isamu, I think about what you’d say to me having adopted this little girl but I know she’ll love you then again; it’s hard not to love you.  Always and Forever.
This is a side piece to Who Am I by my friend (:iconisamuchan:) and myself.

Part 1 of 5

Copyright Sarah and Myself
© 2014 - 2024 JechtBlade
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In